Today, like every day, I’m learning new things about life. As hurtful as it seems, but as true too. No one stays by your side forever, and nothing last forever. Everything has an ending. Good one, sometimes, but most of the time, as cruel as the world could be. I learnt that no matter what you do to the human kind, there’s always a ‘but what if’ in every relationship, where you feel every time a pinch of suspiciousness.
Feeling weird and lonely, always obsessed of finding someone to love, why? Being unable to love my own self, in a need to empty that love boiling inside of my heart, on anyone I could meet in my path.
As I learnt from that book , I keep mentioning it , “The Fault In Our Stars” which changed my whole perception of life, there’s one of it’s quotes “ Depression is not a side effect of cancer, it’s a side effect of dying”.
My depression has turned me into a whole , not person , a whole thing , or creature, hating people, loving solitude , craving silence and lone time .
And when I say ‘hating people’ I mean literally to hate people. Just have a look around… what do you see in people who surrounds you?
Except for your family, I won’t talk about mine… Let’s take strangers as example.
You look at them and wonder…
What are they thinking about?
Do they face the same problems as you do? Do they share with you the same anxiety and weaknesses?
That’s why they are called strangers.
Then you see two strangers being friendly with each other, and a minute later when both get separated, they start talking about each other and humiliating each other… then you feel sick just by the thought of “friends” craving the minute of being traitor the next minute of being away from the other.
That’s the first thing that makes you hate people.
Then you get a call from a friend or someone you barely talked to for years… what could’ve changed?
And then you discover after the call, that reason… that person needs a ‘favor’ from you… that person wants you to do something he can’t do by himself. That person wants to use you.
That’s a thing making you hate people more and more.
And you ask me why I hate them? Try to find out by yourself what makes you hate people too.